The Link Between Anxiety And Priorities

What do you think of when you see the word priority or priorities? For me personally it's a really important aspect of my everyday life. Priorities and prioritising things is so important for many different reasons, but what I really want to talk about and for you to think about is what you prioritise as important in your life. This comes down to goals, this comes down to your relationships, your children, everything that you prioritise, everything on your to do list of things that you do every day, or things that you want to do every day that you don't do. If you don't then ask yourself why not? It's most likely because you've not put it on your priority list to get it done.A lot of people ask me, how does changing my priorities help me with my anxiety? And that's quite an easy one. If you prioritise not overthinking, consciously, not overthinking over overanalysing everything, suddenly your anxiety is reduced. You consciously stopped a behaviour. It's just like saying, I'm going to drive to the shops now. That's an action. That's a behaviour. You're going to drive TO the shops. It's a bit of time out of your day. You prioritise that time to go to the shops to do whatever you need to do.This is the same when you let yourself consciously or subconsciously overthink and get yourself wound up into a place where you can't think rationally because you allowed it. You allowed your brain to go there by giving it the time to do so. So you didn't prioritise cooking the tea for the kids. You didn't prioritise watching that TV show. You prioritised letting your head run riot.

How these all tie into each other is, priorities and what you find important, is often distracting away from the true problem, which is the anxiety, which is, again, another mask for the true problem which is underneath. As I've described, anxiety is just a mask for what's really going on. There's underlying subconscious problems that you're trying to hide with using anxiety to almost have that physical manifestation of your problem and priorities. You can cut through that by reorganising what you find important and also what you want to achieve. Because if achieving a happy lifestyle is your top priority, being anxious does not fly with that. It doesn't correlate. You can't be anxious or give times being anxious and having anxious thoughts, consciously, if your main priority in life is being happy, because they don't work together.Try to spend all your time being grateful for things, this is not a wishy washy technique, being grateful for the wind on your face might sound ridiculous to some people, but it's also about being grateful for your children, for your partner, for your family, for your friends, for the roof over your head, for all the things that you have in your life that some people in the world don't have. If you're feeling a hundred percent grateful, anger doesn't get a look in, anxiety doesn't get a look in, worry doesn't get a look in, because anxiety, depression, sadness, pain, cannot compete with gratefulness and gratitude. They don't work together. And this is where priorities come in.If you prioritise being grateful, all of the time, even when life feels like it's shitting on you, you turn it around and go, I'm not going to let you do this because my priority is to be happy in a relationship, with my family, with my career, with whatever I choose to do. My priority is to be grateful for all of the things I do have rather than worrying about all the things that could happen, that I don't have, that may never happen. I'm prioritising being grateful. I'm prioritising being the best mum I can be. I'm prioritising being the best woman in a relationship I can be. I'm prioritising just, hell, being the best woman I can be, for myself. Once you start prioritising all those things, over being anxious, you suddenly find your quality of life so much better.

When you really get to that point, you find anxiety, it's just like, why am I still doing that? And I know right now you might be thinking, well, it's easier said than done, but get the passion and motivation and inspiration in my voice right now. I'm telling you, the more grateful you feel, the less anxious you will be. Find things you're grateful for. Put them in a higher priority list than feeling anxious. Often, we let anxiety do this to us. We let it come in. We let it influence us. We let it take over. And if you change your priority list, core, fundamental priority list of what's important to you in your life, you will find anxiety will fuck off.If you change your priority list to, when those feelings of anxiety come I'm going to realise that I'm so grateful to be who I am. I'm grateful to be here on this planet. I'm grateful to be in a relationship that I am. No, my relationship's not perfect, but I'm working on it. No, I haven't got it all figured out, but I'm trying. What's there to worry about because you're trying your best. You're working on everything you can, and you're being grateful for what you do have.What's really actually important to you? I spend so much time talking to people. They say, I really want this goal. And when I say goal, I don't mean fitness goal, I mean they really want this outcome, and then they tell me all their actions and things they're trying to do to get there, and I'm like, there's no correlation between what you've told me your dream outcome is and what you're actions show me.You really want that outcome in your relationship, but yet you're not putting any effort in? Well, that's not proving to me that you want it. And if you're not proving to me you want it how's your partner going to feel? Do they feel loved? Because if you don't even feel love for them. You're not even sure if you do love them anymore. You're too busy worrying about everything else, you're not even sure how you feel. But yet you'd want a dream family. You want to fix your relationship. You don't want to have all these anxious feelings anymore.What are your actions showing? What your actions are showing me, or your partner, or your friends, or yourself, what are your actions showing? Are they showing the person who wants to get to the outcome? What is your dream outcome of your life, of your relationship? And what are your actions doing to help that. Are they actually something else? Which means maybe your outcome isn't actually really what you want, or maybe you don't actually know what you really want, or maybe there's a whole load of other things that come into that equation.This where priorities come in, because often people tell me they value this, they value that, they value every other thing, and then tell me with their actions and none of their actions fit into that value list. I value family and I value finances. Yeah, I'm in a dead end job. I'm not putting any effort into my relationship. Well, that's not going with your values, so which one is.I ask people these tough questions to really self-evaluate their life, and almost put them on the spot. Kind of what I'm doing to you right now. We might have to come back to this because you might be thinking, I don't want to deal with this right now. And that's the perfect time to deal with it, when you don't want to, because these tough questions bring out the tough answers, which get us where we want to go.If you want a happier, healthier relationship, that has to go through tough times and change. And evaluating your priorities and understanding what's important to you, what's important to your partner, and how you can get to that dream outcome is absolutely key and fundamentally born to getting there. If your actions don't equate to those outcomes, those goals, those beliefs, those dreams, those visions, those values, what are you doing? What are you doing wrong? What needs to change? The question sheets are endless when we start asking those questions.

In relationships, often people with anxiety feel like they have to give everything to other people in order to receive love back. I say to these people, what about you? And they say, well, I don't really give myself much time. But yet, their anxiety is technically being selfish because they're worrying about themselves.That's what anxiety is, you're worrying about something. People might argue that they're worried about somebody else or they're worrying about some outcome, but they're worrying about it. They're the one who's taking that responsibility on and self deprecating themselves by taking all that baggage on.So, is that selfish? Is that them trying to put the weight of the world on their shoulders to look after everybody else? That's probably down to some opinion basis. Some people might argue it's selfish, some people might argue it is not. But I want to ask you how you feel about it? What is your anxiety doing to you? Is it making you selfish? Is it making you giving? Is it making you kind? Is it making you healthy? Is it making you happy? Those are the questions that I'm asking you, these feelings make you start wondering whether you want to keep this up.    

When you ask these questions you get different answers from yourself. One person's answers may not be the same, and will not be the same, as somebody else's, but it's about finding out why you're anxious, what your anxiety is doing to you, and whether that is making you selfish or not making you selfish. Maybe you do need to be more selfish. Maybe you need to stop worrying about everybody else and start worrying about you for a change. Or maybe you need to stop worrying about you for a change and start being giving and start caring more about other people. That's not to say you don't care about other people now, but your anxiety is overruling everything so you can't see the wood through the trees because you're so wrapped up in how you feel within yourself, how can you possibly give to anybody else?Now, wherever you are on this scale, selfish, as a word, some people will be, well, I'm not selfish. Some people will just instantly jump on, I am really selfish. This is all mindset and beliefs and what that word truly means to you, which is why I'm asking the question, which one are you? Which one do you want to be? Do you want to take more time for yourself? Do you want to give more time from yourself? Where do you want to be on that spectrum? Who do you want to be? Because you can actually choose to have your identity as whatever you want it to be.If you want to stop thinking so much about other people and not feel guilty for being selfish, that's where you need to take priority. This is back to priorities, again, that comes back into your priority list. You are important to you. Or you damn well should be. You are important to you because if you're not important to you, how can you be important to anybody else? You spend half the time being anxious in your relationship because you feel you're not important to your partner, but yet you feel you're not important to yourself. You're asking someone else to value you when you don't value yourself. Is that selfish? No, it's not.Everything can have a new perspective on it if you ask for a new perspective, if you look for a new perspective, if you ask yourself different questions. If you put yourself in different circumstances and situations, everything can be evolved and learnt from and grown from. What could be possible for me? What is possible for me? Who am I? What can I do?All of your hopes and dreams for your relationship can be achieved if you believe in yourself. Maybe you won't believe in yourself all at once, but you will believe in yourself step by step. Now it's time to really push on and get the changes. Really develop and learn and grow and take from it what you want and find out what those outcomes are and find out what your actions are doing to help them.