Inner Conflict

Today I'm going to talk about conflict. Conflict, can be for example two or more personalities, or two or more opinions in your head. Now, when I say opinions in your head, I don't mean the opinion of others. I don’t mean what people tell you you should do, what other people, family members, friends, partners have told you, ex partners have told you. I don't mean those things. I mean the internal conflict that you have of all the different things clashing in your head.  For example, when you want to be a mum, but you also want to be a partner, and at the same time you want to be a friend. All these different things that have polar pulls on you about what you should do, how you should live, who you should be. It’s a pull on your identity. It's more about an identity pull rather than things you should do. They're clear identities inside you that compete and conflict. You don't need to complete, and you don't need to conflict. You need to work together. All of these things are part of you, they're all part of you. If you pooled all the resources of all of the things that were pulling you apart, and instead used them all together, you'd be much, much more focused and driven because you don't have to choose. You don't have to choose which person to be you. It's all you, it's all you. It's just about learning how to pull all these things together and work. Let the resources that you have work together rather than compete for attention, and then cause you problems. When you have any form of conflict, whether that's a conversation with a partner, or that's a conversation with your kids, any form of conflict causes friction. Friction slows you down, friction holds you back, friction is not helpful for productivity, for progress, for anything. Friction is not your friend. You want a friction free lifestyle. You want everything, like Apple Pay, McDonald's drive through, Uber, anything that makes things easier for you to live to do is what you want. Friction free is what we're looking for. Friction free; it starts with having no conflict. So, we need to start with the conflict inside yourself. It starts with you, no matter what you think. Even if the problem is your ex, and you didn't do anything wrong. The problems like still you. Not that you're a problem, but you could still change yourself. You can still control everything. You still can have influence and control over your own life. It's the conflict that you have inside that's the problem, which is what we want to eradicate.

There are various different forms of conflict and these can contribute towards both internal and external conflict. I'm sure we've all had this at work. When you've had a job where you have people in your life or in your sphere that can't really do anything about. Sometimes it can get so toxic that you leave your job. You can't really do too much about other idiots. All those feelings that you have of like: “Why are people talking about me?” You can't control other people talking about you. Yes, it does sometimes make you wish like: “Oh, why do I work here? Why do I do this? It makes me wish I wasn’t here” At the end of the day, can't control other people, all you can do is control yourself. Therefore, internal conflict is the main thing I want to talk about. So many people have internal conflict. You want to be a mum, you want to be the ideal partner, you want to have your own life. The conflict comes about when all these different things you want to be, start to contradict one another. If you have me time, that makes you not a good mum, because you're not putting your kids first, because you spend money on yourself. Whatever it is, and it doesn't have to be money, it doesn't have to be time, it makes you feel rubbish. Basically, when you have conflict, you're not sure which opinion, which person, or which actions are the right ones for you to live by, but ultimately you can do whatever you want. And you can do them all, you can do them all. There's no rule book that says you can't just do whatever you want it is possible to be all these things. It's just learning how to bring all these things together, and as I say, pull the resources, so you can be the most effective person that you can be, period. How'd you do this? Obviously, you can work with me one on one, and I’ve worked with a lot of people on this issue, but basically the key is to stop competing. It's not a competition inside your own head. You wouldn't walk round with someone who talks down to you all day long. Who's toxic and puts you down all the time. You wouldn't have a friend like that. You wouldn't tolerate that in your life. So if you wouldn't tolerate this in your life, and you wouldn't tolerate two friends walking around in front of you bickering all the time, putting each other down, when they both act as friends, why do you allow yourself to do this to yourself?

For example, you have two children, or two work colleagues; whichever resonates most with you. All they do is squabble. They squabble about personality traits, they squabble about what opinion they think is right. They squabble. They compete for, not just your attention, but just attention in general. You like both these people. You're like: “Oh, I can see it from your side of view. I can see, it's good to be chilled, and relaxed, and carefree and, and just happy. You can also see how it's cool to be really driven, and motivated, and on a mission.” You can see both things. You like both things. If it's your children you know that kids have very different personalities, yet you loved them both same. You can see where their difference of opinion comes from and you still like them both. When they're external you're able to like them both. You think: “Yeah, that's my mate. That's my mate. Or, that's my child, that's my child. Yeah, I love them both. No one's more correct, they're just different characters, different people." When those two people aren't external, they're internal, and you have them fighting in front of you in your head all the time, no wonder you're confused. You don't know which one you believe in. That's what's basically going on inside your head – you have two characteristics, or maybe more than that, fighting against one another. I've worked with people who've got different pulls on themselves and ultimately, like them all but don’t know how to please them all at the same time. They like elements of all of them. They just don't like it when they're committed to one full time, because they feel like the other one's are not getting enough air time. Therefore, the other one puts them down. It's about realising that that's basically what's going inside your head. You have two people, or more, fighting and conflicting for who you want to be. It's basically like having two friends, or your children, fighting and squabbling in front of you, but you love them. Just because you spend more time with one of them, doesn't mean the other one is any more, or any less right than the other one. You can have them both. You can have both these opinions, you can have both of these identities. You can be all of these things. It's about working this out, and piece this together. How do pieces together? It's powerful, and I use NLP to do it. It's powerful to really home in to what characteristics these people have – the identities you have in your own head. Then, you ask them to work together. I know most people that I've worked with feel silly having two people on their hands, or having people walking around a table in front of him like little miniature 3D, made up in your mind's eye characters, but it really works. Who cares how you get the outcome when you get the outcome you want? It works. My point is that it is achievable to manage a conflict in a way that works for you without someone else's support. It's about manifestation. You don't realise how powerful manifestations can be, because you just sit on information until you need it. You take in information using all your senses and it will manifest itself in your brain. The more information you absorb, the more you pull out in any given circumstances. It manifests itself. If you watch a movie for the second, third or fourth time, how many things do you notice and pick up on that you didn't see the first time? Loads! This is because you'd already maxed your quota of information the first-time round. The first time you watched that film you could only take in so much information at once. You took in all that information. The second time, you can take in a whole lot more, and you manifested the information that you've already absorbed. You've already built beliefs up around this topic. You're not searching for those first ones, because you have them. You're building on your building blocks. It's like building a foundation of a building. You wouldn't come back to a building site that's got foundations and re-dig foundations. You've got the foundations; you've got that knowledge. You've got that base level of understanding. It's about the layering on top of this until you build the whole house. This is the same with inner conflict. You need to find the common ground, and then keep building on this, until everything is pulling in the same direction.

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