How to Control your Emotions

Managing your state is powerful. People think I'm bouncing off my head all the time. I'm not, but I can manage my state, so I know how to almost turn it on and off and how to be the person I need to be, and in that mindset at any given time, I can manage my state very well. Not always of course; I have my faults of course. I'm not perfect. But when you can optimise managing your state, you can control your mindset.I ask people all the time: “Do you control your mindset and your emotions, or do they control you?"  Most people say: "I do my best, but there are times when they control me."  Learning how to take control of your state and how to take control of your emotions, is making your emotions work for you, not you work for them. Because so many people are a slave to their emotions. If you're emotional today, you let that take control of you, rather than you taking control back of your emotions. This is where your mindset comes in, because emotions are powerful feelings, right? They're overwhelming; whether you feel happy, whether you feel sad, motivated, unmotivated. Your emotions are powerful, but your mind controls your emotions. But here’s a quote to write and put on your fridge: “My mind controls my emotions.“ And when you realise that, and you recognise that, then when you're feeling any form of emotion that you don't want to feel you can remember: "My mind controls my emotions."  What do I need to control? I need to control my mind. How do I control my mind? Well, that's when we now go back to strategy, we now go back to story, and then it ultimately is down to your mindset, your state. How do I control my state?  What can I do to get an instant change in my state right now? Now, there's lots of ways that people do it. For example, people put on music and they dance around. That's a state management tool; if you put on happy, feel good music, people feel better from that. People will dance around their kitchen; people will do all of this stuff. That’s one small strategy. I actually think it’s more of a tactic than a strategy. The difference between a tactic and a strategy is a tactic is not a gimmick, but something that's short-term. A tactic is a theory in practice. Strategy is the theoretical side of it. A strategy is a thought-out process that you're planning. It's a strategy, rather than a tactic. Having strategies to manage and change your state is the most powerful thing ever, because what controls your emotions? Your mind. I want to you to repeat that. If you were right in front of me right now, I'd be like: I want you to repeat back to me: who controls your emotions? I do!  What controls my emotions? My mind controls my emotions.  And who controls your mind? Me.  I control my mind, my mind controls my emotions, I'm in control of me. I am in control of me. Taking ownership. I made me do that, say that, act that way. No one made me do anything. No one makes me do anything. No one makes you do anything. My mind controls my emotions. I control my mind. That is it! Once you have that, and you take ownership, nothing will break that. I control my mind, my mind controls my emotions, and my emotions are powerful, powerful motivators. How do I control them? How do I get my emotions right? I control my mind. Who controls my mind? Me. I make choices. You make choices every single day to either go one way or go the other way. And it's your choices every single day that determine the quality of your life. It's why I go on about victimisation all the time. You make choices, I make choices, we all make choices every single day; which mindset we want to be in, and how we want that to take control of our emotions is up to us.

If you want someone to get their tiny, tiny little violin out for you, you'll ask them to. Whether you ask them directly: "Hey, cry me a river" Or whether you put something on someone to get somebody to give you the emotional response you want, you'll do it. We'll all find ways, as I've already told you, to meet our human needs, with positive actions, negative actions or neutral actions. We'll do something to meet our human need.  For example, if we want to get control over our emotions, we're looking for certainty, we're looking for certainty that things are going to be okay, because we're emotional. So we look for certainty, and how we do that is by choosing things that are not going to helpful or constructive, and we let our mindset be negative and then make our emotions negative. Our emotions feed our mindset, and our mindset and our emotions get into a competition to see which one can make the other feel worse. Whereas when you feel emotionally low, when you wake up and you just don't feel bouncy you need to remember: My mind controls my emotions. Who controls my mind? Me. What can I do right now to change this? What can I do right now? Often people go: "I don't know what I can do."  You do know. It's very individualised. You know what's going to make you happy. You know things instantly that can make have a smile on your face. Get your phone out. Look at some pictures of your children. Put some music on. I'm talking these small things that just give you a spark. Run up and down the stairs. Jump up and down on the spot. Do some star jumps. Whatever it takes. These are all random things that people I know do, that just gives them that extra boost they need. They realise that: “I control my mindset, my mindset controls my emotions, I control my emotions, my mindset and me.” It's like a riddle, right? And the more you think this, the more you believe this, because it's true, but the more you believe this, the more you embody this, the more control that you have. This is where it leads me beautifully onto control. When you feel out of control, you are not in control of your emotions. This is what happens when you have a relationship breakup. You feel out of control. And when you feel like you don't have control of a situation, your emotions take over, because your mind controls your emotions, and your emotions are controlled by you and your mind, right? When you feel out of control and you're not in control of the situation because someone's left you, cheated on you, hurt you, you aren't in control. You may not even think that you're a control freak or even interested in control. I'm not interested in control, until your power is taken away from you. Until someone takes away your power, your opinion, your voice and your control, on anything, you're now powerless, you have no influence and no control. Now, some people will resonate massively with this, and be like: "This is me. I'm a control freak." Other people won't think they're a control freak at all. You don't need to be a control freak, when you are out of control, you don't have control over your emotions, so your emotions have control of you. This is what happens to 99% of people who've gone through a breakup. You are out control.  You do not have control of the situation.  You do not have control of yourself.  That's why you do not have control of your emotions, and your feelings are all over the place. You're fighting desperately to have some element of control. Because if you blame them or you blame him, blame someone else, or you blame something else, you are trying to get control. "Give me some control! Get out of my life. I hate you. I'm so sad." Whatever it is you're doing, you're trying to get control. So many people don't see this. All it's about is having control. We want to have control on our own life. We want to be the captain of our own ship. We want to be the driver. When someone takes away your control, when someone takes away your voice, when someone takes away your influence, you feel out of control. When you're out of control and you don't have any influence on a situation, you try desperately to get it back, and this is where your emotions take over, and your mind is in that place where you're going: "I need to get control! Aaaah!"  Step back. Your mind controls your emotions, and you control your mind. Take a step back. Take a step back. It's about control. You don't have to be a control freak; you're not trying to manipulate someone and have a puppet on a string. It's the control of your own life. You do not feel like you're in control of your own life, your own destiny, your own children. You feel out of control. When you're out of control, you spiral. So, take a deep breath and remember: “My mind controls my emotions.“

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